I remember the days where I could clearly feel the taste of your name on the tip of my tongue. It would be so quick and easy when I'd talk of endless laughs and stories that you'd tell me over and over again. I never wanted to be so rude and say "you have told me this before," because I loved hearing it from you time and time again.

I also remember the times when I'd get so excited to receive that simple glistening message that said you wanted to hear my voice. I would rush to the living room telephone, never scared of being caught in the middle of the night with the telephone close to my ear and my smile beaming in the dark. I felt so content in hearing your laugh and I'd brag that it was the best laugh I've ever heard. She would say that in person it was so much better but I knew for a fact that the laugh was never pointed towards her. He always had someone's attention but it was never mine nor her's.

I remember the night where I first saw you and I got really excited because I thought that this small fragile looking boy was you but she whispered that it wasn't because she had already seen it in my face that I was staring with hard eyes. But then when you had finally come I couldn't dare look. I didn't want to be disappointed, and later when I had gotten brave enough to look your way, I was never let down one bit. My heart raced but seeing the interaction you had with someone else already made me get the sign that she would be your next beau. I wasn't as mad as she was. We were best friends and I knew that if anything went wrong you would come my way and confide in me dearly like I had done with you many times before. It was a good friendship, it was a healthy one too.

I remember feeling like my throat ate up my whole body when we fought this whole past week. I'd cry almost everyday because something was eating me inside. I knew what it was and I couldn't say it. I was scared. I didn't want to be let down and I didn't want to be turned away for another. I would get angry at one word answers. I'd start to flush when you'd call me names. You would say just kidding and I couldn't even speak because my mind was already starting to form angry thoughts towards you. It was all coming to an end. I felt that it was but I was wrong. I know that I should never anticipate our relationship because we aren't like my past and according to you we aren't like yours either.


Everything is fine now and we both laugh endlessly night after night. Sometimes a few thoughts flow through my head making me feel morose but then I remember everything you say. I know to trust you because I've trusted you now for too long to doubt what you say. Everything you have said has come out to be true.


This is what friends are for but to be your "wife", "goblin", "clown shoe", "lady dimpz" makes it all more special, even when you confide in making ugly faces and teasing me and picking me up and throwing me on the bed. Yeah it's all gay cheesy stuff but what ever I'm glad I have it.


YA HEARD ME! GLAD I HAVE IT!


(hope you like it lol)

I went for a walk today.

I like the feeling of the cold hard wind brushing against my face because I know once I get home that the warmth of my house will make my cheeks bright pink.


I like the way the wind tastes. I lick my lips. The wind creates this sort of awkward taste on them. It almost tastes of watermelon chap stick mixed with a sort of stale flavoring.

I lick my lips right now just to see if I can feel this again but I am only sitting and not walking.

A couple of nights ago I was left bored in the middle of the night with absolutely nothing to do but text and drink some water. I think I was becoming restless at one point when I decided I wanted to go scavenging through my drawers when I came upon letters. OH! and a rose, of course. I remember getting that particular letter in the mail and being completely disgusted because I wasn't sure what was in there but after I seen that it was a flower I honestly think I cried a little.


I came across one thing though.


The letter said, "you need to come over and watch movies again. A movie that wont make you cover your eyes when something bad happens which was low key hilarious."


I laughed so hard when I read this because I remembered every single detail of that moment.

We were both sitting on the couch very far from each other. Very nervous. I was nervous at least. You told me to pick a movie because you had tons and tons but I wasn't sure so you picked out Once Upon A Time In Mexico. There was a part where an old man gets shot and he flies dramatically backward. You laughed so hard, and I didn't want to watch at all. It was horrible. But, you kept rewinding and rewinding and laughing and laughing. And i covered my eyes through the whole thing. I hated it.



For some reason when I read that I felt happy inside. We've hated each other and we've been through a whole lot. But being your friend makes me happier then if anything would have lasted. We don't fight. We don't call each other names nor say secretive stuff about each other. We over came it all and now we barely talk but I'm glad it's over.


Nice to meet you old friend and dear old pal.

i wish that i could go back to the night in which i saw little joy play a few feet from me.


thats the night i called jesse right when i got home and explained every little thing that went on. But only because he actually wanted to hear it.


I'm listening now and I want to be there again.




"and so i wont play the part in your own mistakes. no way... not unless you stay."

there is definitely

a reason why i love music.


Have you ever experienced anything like this?


You're having an okay day but then these strong beats come blasting through your earphones and it brings you alive.


I feel exactly like this right now.


psapp- sad song

masks and all that cool shit

Yeah, you heard me. I want to be the one with the mask on. I want to see right through you and believe that I'm the only one who understands. We all see what we want to see but I want to see the truth.

My mask is yellow with green stripes and many polka dots in many different colors.


I feel honored to wear this mask and to roam around the dark watching the young man play games with the older woman. He ties his shoes and she sees him looking up her skirt. She has no problem with this. This is life and this life is what she wants.


I fail to notice how I am no longer invisible under this mask. People see me walking around with a regular face but little do they know that I will not uncover who I really am.


Let the games begin and let the masks fall to the ground.