26.8.20
Let the People Rise
hail to the people of the streets. let their voices rise as we all rejoice for a better day. let us fight for our people and our freedoms.
the people are burning and tearing holes in hearts. rightfully so...let there be hearts unmended left behind.
i struggle to look at people the same way. how can they justify their behaviors and their views. so dated. so racist. i lose hope in friends and family.
we will rise and bring everything tumbling down with us. help us.
7.8.20
I Do Love You
Everyone tells me that if I didn't love you I wouldn't be here. I wouldnt have the feelings that I feel deep in my heart. I wouldnt cry at the thought of more people being hurt. I wouldnt feel like my life is crumbling around me, as I watch my family be torn to shreds by the revolution. I've never had to choose a side...but i've made my bed. I lie here in my beliefs. I create an image of the world and if theyre not in it, then that's what may be. I've never felt more solid in my convictions. It's so real and that is why it hurts so bad.
Good bye friends.
Good bye family.
You are no longer attached to the strings that I hold onto.
My beliefs are too strong to continue to convince myself that you also know what love is. What is love? It is the most beautiful unconditional feeling. You want nothing but the best for everyone. I want it all for them. I want to watch all of this fall and be built into a magnificent place for those who need a home the most.
That is, my friend, what troubles me the most these days. I have relied on my readings to keep me warm at night, but thats the best I can do. I'm always giving my best. This seems to have become a problem. The best isn't what is needed from me. What's needed from me is my devotion to love. Revolution is love...
I keep having strange dreams. I keep remembering people and conversations with people that have never taken place. My brain is painting pictures of events that could never happen in a million years. People that never cared or no longer care, keep appearing. They're haunting me. Telling me things that I don't want to hear. Telling me that what I know and love isn't real.
I go through these haunting images every few months. They creep back into my reality and send me into a spin every few months. I look for symbols or signs to validate that these dreams are real. Or that they have a secret message for me. I tell my friends. I expect that they'll have some insight for me, but they're not in my brain. They can't see me crying in my dreams. They can't see me trying to reach out for those who haven't been in my life for many years. They laugh and tell me I'm crazy for dreaming up these images and people. They tell me, "Oh God..." and hope to change the subject. I know why they think that...They tell me I wouldn't be where I am today if any of those things I dream up are true. Those horrifying images come to life every time I wake up, though, and I can't dismiss that. How do i pretend that these things don't wreck me? I can't...
So I sit here trying to reckon with my memories. The things I felt that still feel very real to this very day. The drive to you. The sitting outside in the cold weather. The private conversations. The darts. The way you showed your teeth. The letters. The collect calls. The knee touch. The pick ups down the road. The blood spilling out onto the floor. The demons. The girls. The building crumbling...Its all in my dream land. All of it fizzles as the clock strikes 6:30.
Wake up. That isn't real life.
Good bye friends.
Good bye family.
You are no longer attached to the strings that I hold onto.
My beliefs are too strong to continue to convince myself that you also know what love is. What is love? It is the most beautiful unconditional feeling. You want nothing but the best for everyone. I want it all for them. I want to watch all of this fall and be built into a magnificent place for those who need a home the most.
That is, my friend, what troubles me the most these days. I have relied on my readings to keep me warm at night, but thats the best I can do. I'm always giving my best. This seems to have become a problem. The best isn't what is needed from me. What's needed from me is my devotion to love. Revolution is love...
I keep having strange dreams. I keep remembering people and conversations with people that have never taken place. My brain is painting pictures of events that could never happen in a million years. People that never cared or no longer care, keep appearing. They're haunting me. Telling me things that I don't want to hear. Telling me that what I know and love isn't real.
I go through these haunting images every few months. They creep back into my reality and send me into a spin every few months. I look for symbols or signs to validate that these dreams are real. Or that they have a secret message for me. I tell my friends. I expect that they'll have some insight for me, but they're not in my brain. They can't see me crying in my dreams. They can't see me trying to reach out for those who haven't been in my life for many years. They laugh and tell me I'm crazy for dreaming up these images and people. They tell me, "Oh God..." and hope to change the subject. I know why they think that...They tell me I wouldn't be where I am today if any of those things I dream up are true. Those horrifying images come to life every time I wake up, though, and I can't dismiss that. How do i pretend that these things don't wreck me? I can't...
So I sit here trying to reckon with my memories. The things I felt that still feel very real to this very day. The drive to you. The sitting outside in the cold weather. The private conversations. The darts. The way you showed your teeth. The letters. The collect calls. The knee touch. The pick ups down the road. The blood spilling out onto the floor. The demons. The girls. The building crumbling...Its all in my dream land. All of it fizzles as the clock strikes 6:30.
Wake up. That isn't real life.
Welcome Back to Paradise
Hello, Old Friend.
You don't know how long I've searched for you. I checked my bed, my drawers, my most prized possessions for any remnants of your existence. Everything hurts and you're what I needed most. I've been lost for about 7 years without you. 2013 to 2020. My life has felt like its had this huge gaping hole in it and it was you. My words haven't been coming out clearly. My thoughts haven't been able to form beautiful pictures anymore. Even when theyre made of sadness, they're all fragmented.
Where have you been?
I searched far and wide for you. I called and asked about getting you back. They refused. They told me you were gone for good and all I had was an imprint in time. I never thought I could feel you under my fingers again. I never thought my words would come out crisp and whole ever again. Even if they were broken and fragmented, I'd at least know you were there to hold them up for everyone else to see.
I don't know where to start, but I know it's here. With you.
I'll see you soon.
You don't know how long I've searched for you. I checked my bed, my drawers, my most prized possessions for any remnants of your existence. Everything hurts and you're what I needed most. I've been lost for about 7 years without you. 2013 to 2020. My life has felt like its had this huge gaping hole in it and it was you. My words haven't been coming out clearly. My thoughts haven't been able to form beautiful pictures anymore. Even when theyre made of sadness, they're all fragmented.
Where have you been?
I searched far and wide for you. I called and asked about getting you back. They refused. They told me you were gone for good and all I had was an imprint in time. I never thought I could feel you under my fingers again. I never thought my words would come out crisp and whole ever again. Even if they were broken and fragmented, I'd at least know you were there to hold them up for everyone else to see.
I don't know where to start, but I know it's here. With you.
I'll see you soon.
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