I've listened to the song a million times. It still makes me feel the way I did during the cold winter months. I was wrapped up in blankets. I wore nothing but sweaters, jeans, and sweats. I was crying. I wasn't eating very much. But, somehow, that song gave me hope. Even though you hadn't heard the song at all and you didn't like the singer, I still felt like you were connected to the song. I still felt the emotion that you were trying to convey, in that particular song. It was the gleaming light in the fog. The one that led me to believe unspoken truths. Truths you didn't want me to know.
I remember the way you wouldn't let me go. I didn't want to be your friend. It was going to kill me if I stood around any longer, but at the same time, I didn't want to let you go either. You persuaded me to stick around and watch her love you the way I should have been loving you. I knew I had loved you more because no matter what stupid decisions you made, I stupidly forgave you for them.
I remember the look on your face when we sat down to eat. You asked me how my college applications were going and I said they were going great. I told you I had applied to schools rather far away because I needed to get away from everything. You looked at me and said, "what is everything?" I said, "Everything is you." And the look of dread and sadness fell upon your face and you just put your head down and continued to eat. You didn't wanna hear it. You didn't want to know that you had affected me that much. You didn't want to know that I wasn't going to only leave you as a friend, but I was going to physically leave, so that even if you wanted to come back to me, you couldn't. It wasn't going to be possible.
There are so many things I remember and that song still makes me feel the same. It's bitter-sweet. I always want to listen to it because I picture myself determining my future. You made your mistakes but you realized what you did. And i'm glad you're back home.
