In reference to "remarkable":
What the hell was going through my head?
Creep.
I cant wait till friday.
Econ class is awesome.
500 days of summer.
Paris je taime.
Awesome shirt.
Barbecue with friends on saturday.
New show to go to with the best.
Finish drawing of fab.
Finish stop motion video.
Finish short story.
So many things to do.
Hello upbeat side of me. Stay here forever.
30.9.09
29.9.09
remarkable
i hate when i have those moments where I just wanna scream. I feel completely infuriated, and I honesly have no clue why.
Nothing bad happened. Today was perfect.
Woke up. Went to school. Got the most amazing card I've ever recieved in my entire life, from anthony. (it ruled so hard) Me and anthony chit chatted while we walked to class and then I was stunned by the sight of balloons filling up my view in front of me. It was sid standing there with a handful of balloons, brown paper bag, and a cake. I almost died. Anthony laughs and says happy birthday. Sid laughs and says FINALLY! and steals my wonderful cup of sunny dee. My whole day is filled with happy birthdays and how old are yous. Lunch time comes and its me, jasmine, sid, kevin, and anthony. We all eat cake and laugh at the dumb things we hear.
Afterschool.....
I head out to the front to meet sid and jasmine and I get the whole gang.
Sal, jasmine, sid, hector, anthony, stephanie, and me. We are all having a good time eating cake and laughing at how sal is betting everyone that he can do a trick. He bets me a pastrami burger. I cant bring myself to do it because I know once I set my foot in the hat. Im done. We all have a great time. Hector gets really close to me and goes, "can i ask you a question?" I whisper, "sure."
"what would you do if a panda came up to you right now and punched you in the face?"
I laughed so hard. He had the most serious face on. He really meant it. He wanted my answer. I was sorry I didn't have one but now that I think about it, I think I'd be astonished for a couple minutes and ask everyone if they saw that.
I wanna live life and never be cruel and I wanna live life and be good to you. I wanna fly and never come down. Live my life, and have friends around.
We never change do we.....
I'm so mad. I'm so discontent. I wanna scream. I wanna cry. I don't know why.
Ofcourse I know why. Ofcourse I know why.
I just don't like saying it. I don't like seeing it. I hate it.
But its there.
People remembered what day it was today.
Mikey. Roy. Natalie.
"did you get anything cute?"
"mikey, i got balloons a movie and a shirt."
"ANYTHING CUTE?!"
"an awesome card."
"awww..."
I hate this feeling. I force this upon myself because I dare to look. i dare to look for what I don't want to see. So i lie and say its nothing. I lie and say its fine.
Nothing bad happened. Today was perfect.
Woke up. Went to school. Got the most amazing card I've ever recieved in my entire life, from anthony. (it ruled so hard) Me and anthony chit chatted while we walked to class and then I was stunned by the sight of balloons filling up my view in front of me. It was sid standing there with a handful of balloons, brown paper bag, and a cake. I almost died. Anthony laughs and says happy birthday. Sid laughs and says FINALLY! and steals my wonderful cup of sunny dee. My whole day is filled with happy birthdays and how old are yous. Lunch time comes and its me, jasmine, sid, kevin, and anthony. We all eat cake and laugh at the dumb things we hear.
Afterschool.....
I head out to the front to meet sid and jasmine and I get the whole gang.
Sal, jasmine, sid, hector, anthony, stephanie, and me. We are all having a good time eating cake and laughing at how sal is betting everyone that he can do a trick. He bets me a pastrami burger. I cant bring myself to do it because I know once I set my foot in the hat. Im done. We all have a great time. Hector gets really close to me and goes, "can i ask you a question?" I whisper, "sure."
"what would you do if a panda came up to you right now and punched you in the face?"
I laughed so hard. He had the most serious face on. He really meant it. He wanted my answer. I was sorry I didn't have one but now that I think about it, I think I'd be astonished for a couple minutes and ask everyone if they saw that.
I wanna live life and never be cruel and I wanna live life and be good to you. I wanna fly and never come down. Live my life, and have friends around.
We never change do we.....
I'm so mad. I'm so discontent. I wanna scream. I wanna cry. I don't know why.
Ofcourse I know why. Ofcourse I know why.
I just don't like saying it. I don't like seeing it. I hate it.
But its there.
People remembered what day it was today.
Mikey. Roy. Natalie.
"did you get anything cute?"
"mikey, i got balloons a movie and a shirt."
"ANYTHING CUTE?!"
"an awesome card."
"awww..."
I hate this feeling. I force this upon myself because I dare to look. i dare to look for what I don't want to see. So i lie and say its nothing. I lie and say its fine.
"dude remember when i asked you if i could see your id? Like the 2nd day of school? And you asked me why? I couldnt remember if it was the 14th or 29th. So i went to attendance that day to find out and ive been planning this for about three weeks. Aint i a loser?"
-chris
"your the birthday girl so have fun! Fuck everybody theyre lame and smell like fish. But yeah i love you amd i hope the best for you forever and ever! Cause im the best fashow. This is me and the uk babes."
-anthony
"happy birthday allyson! See i remembered!"
-roy
"i wanted to be first!! I live only to be first so now i gotta go die. Ugh happy birthday..."
-the best
"happy birthday my love"
-sid
I love these people with all my heart. Thankyou for everything.
Best birthday ever.
-chris
"your the birthday girl so have fun! Fuck everybody theyre lame and smell like fish. But yeah i love you amd i hope the best for you forever and ever! Cause im the best fashow. This is me and the uk babes."
-anthony
"happy birthday allyson! See i remembered!"
-roy
"i wanted to be first!! I live only to be first so now i gotta go die. Ugh happy birthday..."
-the best
"happy birthday my love"
-sid
I love these people with all my heart. Thankyou for everything.
Best birthday ever.
28.9.09
27.9.09
The big hand lands on the little hand
Why do I feel like this right now? This whole feeling of love seems so unfamiliar and foreign. It's a bit overwhelming because the outcome can either be on your side or your greatest opponent.
He's not a superhero. He doesn't have magical powers. He doesn't hold all the riches in the world. He can't be in two places at one time. He doesn't run at the speed of light. He doesn't know einstein. He can't give me evidence that there is a higher power. So what is it that makes me smile everytime I hear him laugh. When i read a message from him during the day that is nothing but a smiley face. What. Is. It. I may never know. I may be 35 with a husband and kids and look back on this day and feel silly for being so foolish but so sad at the thought that i never knew what this consuming feeling was. Maybe it's admiration. Infatuation? Dedication? Fascination? Love... It rings a small bell. There is something that starts inside me when he looks at me. Some power that is granted to him that makes me feel less and less like myself but more and more like someone who is completely lucky.
I listen to myself go over these thoughts in my head. Countless and countless times i manage to come up with explanations for something like this. Before i thought i felt something. Being betrayed was part of the process, so i thought. So i acceptedin foolish circumstances the consequences of being a complete idiot. So now what do i do when the sensation runs higher and noone is being betrayed. What is this called? Do they have a name for it? Im sure they do but im not intelligent enough to recieve its name. So what do i do with my excuses? I keep em and follow that damn yellow brick road. It can lead me to new things or it can lead me to an old ending. I still dont know.
So i lay here once again thinking about all the feelings i have for this person. (he shall go unnamed.) and ill love him.
I love you. I hope you have a smile on your face right now or else ima punch you. There are always going to be things that ill never be able to explain to you because im embarrassed or i just cant, but ill always try my hardest to let a little slip out, once at a time. I know it takes a whole late night conversation to spill our guts out but when they come i never wanna hang up. I love hearing how im your best friend. I love hearing about your past even though im a tiny bit jealous that they had you first but it only makes me smile to know that now i get to give you awesome high fives, pull you closer to me when you pretend to be mad, hold your hand when you sleep, laugh at the faces you make, and being the one you go to when you need something to be said. It can last long or it can be short. We'll never know but to me that doesnt matter. Your here now and im having fun and your the best. What can i say? Your amazing in ways i can never describe but they dont need to be explained. They can just be untouched and recognized. Im glad your my best friend and the one i love.
He's not a superhero. He doesn't have magical powers. He doesn't hold all the riches in the world. He can't be in two places at one time. He doesn't run at the speed of light. He doesn't know einstein. He can't give me evidence that there is a higher power. So what is it that makes me smile everytime I hear him laugh. When i read a message from him during the day that is nothing but a smiley face. What. Is. It. I may never know. I may be 35 with a husband and kids and look back on this day and feel silly for being so foolish but so sad at the thought that i never knew what this consuming feeling was. Maybe it's admiration. Infatuation? Dedication? Fascination? Love... It rings a small bell. There is something that starts inside me when he looks at me. Some power that is granted to him that makes me feel less and less like myself but more and more like someone who is completely lucky.
I listen to myself go over these thoughts in my head. Countless and countless times i manage to come up with explanations for something like this. Before i thought i felt something. Being betrayed was part of the process, so i thought. So i acceptedin foolish circumstances the consequences of being a complete idiot. So now what do i do when the sensation runs higher and noone is being betrayed. What is this called? Do they have a name for it? Im sure they do but im not intelligent enough to recieve its name. So what do i do with my excuses? I keep em and follow that damn yellow brick road. It can lead me to new things or it can lead me to an old ending. I still dont know.
So i lay here once again thinking about all the feelings i have for this person. (he shall go unnamed.) and ill love him.
I love you. I hope you have a smile on your face right now or else ima punch you. There are always going to be things that ill never be able to explain to you because im embarrassed or i just cant, but ill always try my hardest to let a little slip out, once at a time. I know it takes a whole late night conversation to spill our guts out but when they come i never wanna hang up. I love hearing how im your best friend. I love hearing about your past even though im a tiny bit jealous that they had you first but it only makes me smile to know that now i get to give you awesome high fives, pull you closer to me when you pretend to be mad, hold your hand when you sleep, laugh at the faces you make, and being the one you go to when you need something to be said. It can last long or it can be short. We'll never know but to me that doesnt matter. Your here now and im having fun and your the best. What can i say? Your amazing in ways i can never describe but they dont need to be explained. They can just be untouched and recognized. Im glad your my best friend and the one i love.
26.9.09
caramel
Baby look me in my eyes
And tell me if
I'm the kinda girl you like
I'm feeling you
Cause sweetie you're my kinda guy
Think about it, you just might
wanna run with this
All night long
And if you want me we can keep this going
but Let me tell you I'm the type that's strong
And I don't trust a lot of men I'm independent I'm ain't like some other women
songs been on my mind all day. puts me in a good.
I'm walking down the street and I can see the sun slowly closing in with the horizon. My arteries are pumping strong rich blood and my veins are letting it flow through every part of my body. My eyes are glowing with a passion for the rich light that beams every night and day. No, the light doesn't come from the sun or the moon, but from something inside me. It glows so bright that it blinds people from all around me. I'm in some type of mood that comes very rarely. It makes me wanna write. Is it the blogging mood again? Don't know what it is? Let me explain once again. It's almost like the feeling you get when your at a really amazing show and your favorite song comes on and this thick body compelling feeling overwhelms everything around you, including yourself, and you scream the words out. It's when you see someone you haven't seen in a very long time and the moment your eyes meet you feel weak. It's like seeing the person you love when you wake up in the morning and realizing nothing was a dream. I have that mood right now. It's making me want to write. I talked about my life today. I explained what I read recently. I explained my situation with the person I have fallen for. I talked about where I'm going to school and what I plan to do once I finish my general ed. I love when people care to ask about the important things in my life. It makes me feel like my life has some type of meaning in it that it makes someone ask about it. I keep repeating caramel over and over again. It got my attention last night and it has this smooth beat that makes it known that if I ever heard it outside of my house, in a car, at a dance, on the radio, at a party, I would automatically start singing and dancing. Oh the 90s. The beautiful 90s. Silly generation with the best things. Grunge. Awesome Cartoons. Amazing R&B tunes. Cool toys. etc. etc. If you were born in 1992 and before then you know exactly what I'm talking about. The sensation of seeing something that you watched or listened to when you were a kid sends a ultimate rush. The care free days. Those days were sometimes my favorite. Now I'm destined for some type of adult future. The kid in me lives through my tunes and my interests. "Cause anywhere I go im spotted..." I can't stop singing. My vocals are getting much better. I want to be outside sitting under a tree with Chris singing some good tunes. I hope my voice gets so much better. I want the notes to flow out with beauty added to it. Almost like a bird flying but not only is it flying, its flying in the most beautiful way it can. It's adding essence to it. Does it make sense? Probably not. But, I understand completely. My plans for my future are slowly growing. My words are becoming more known. We will grow. We will begin. We will end. And I will be something.
And tell me if
I'm the kinda girl you like
I'm feeling you
Cause sweetie you're my kinda guy
Think about it, you just might
wanna run with this
All night long
And if you want me we can keep this going
but Let me tell you I'm the type that's strong
And I don't trust a lot of men I'm independent I'm ain't like some other women
songs been on my mind all day. puts me in a good.
I'm walking down the street and I can see the sun slowly closing in with the horizon. My arteries are pumping strong rich blood and my veins are letting it flow through every part of my body. My eyes are glowing with a passion for the rich light that beams every night and day. No, the light doesn't come from the sun or the moon, but from something inside me. It glows so bright that it blinds people from all around me. I'm in some type of mood that comes very rarely. It makes me wanna write. Is it the blogging mood again? Don't know what it is? Let me explain once again. It's almost like the feeling you get when your at a really amazing show and your favorite song comes on and this thick body compelling feeling overwhelms everything around you, including yourself, and you scream the words out. It's when you see someone you haven't seen in a very long time and the moment your eyes meet you feel weak. It's like seeing the person you love when you wake up in the morning and realizing nothing was a dream. I have that mood right now. It's making me want to write. I talked about my life today. I explained what I read recently. I explained my situation with the person I have fallen for. I talked about where I'm going to school and what I plan to do once I finish my general ed. I love when people care to ask about the important things in my life. It makes me feel like my life has some type of meaning in it that it makes someone ask about it. I keep repeating caramel over and over again. It got my attention last night and it has this smooth beat that makes it known that if I ever heard it outside of my house, in a car, at a dance, on the radio, at a party, I would automatically start singing and dancing. Oh the 90s. The beautiful 90s. Silly generation with the best things. Grunge. Awesome Cartoons. Amazing R&B tunes. Cool toys. etc. etc. If you were born in 1992 and before then you know exactly what I'm talking about. The sensation of seeing something that you watched or listened to when you were a kid sends a ultimate rush. The care free days. Those days were sometimes my favorite. Now I'm destined for some type of adult future. The kid in me lives through my tunes and my interests. "Cause anywhere I go im spotted..." I can't stop singing. My vocals are getting much better. I want to be outside sitting under a tree with Chris singing some good tunes. I hope my voice gets so much better. I want the notes to flow out with beauty added to it. Almost like a bird flying but not only is it flying, its flying in the most beautiful way it can. It's adding essence to it. Does it make sense? Probably not. But, I understand completely. My plans for my future are slowly growing. My words are becoming more known. We will grow. We will begin. We will end. And I will be something.
25.9.09
24.9.09
Your so rad
Beautiful day today. When i thought it would be nothing but a normal day i get woken up by a simple text.
What are you doing?
Laying down bored.
Lets hang out.
Eh what about friday i dont know if i can right now.
Mmm maybe.
Nevermind im putting on clothes and then im leaving
ok i gotta change
what are we gunna do?
Idk.
Okay well im walking so hurry up.
Slip on shorts. Pull on a circa shirt. Grab the ipod. Im gone.
I walk and five minutes later i get a call. Hes waiting for me across the street. We meet in the parking lot an come up with a genius plan. Walk to my best friend/his lovers house. So of course shes asleep . We bug and make her get ready.
The walk over there is hilarious. Just like old times.
We meet up with sid. We all have a super fun time.
I skip home singing the wizard of oz and we give jesus bottles to recycle.
"jesus recycles too"
"hell yeah! Ill meet you in hell"
(we give each other high fives)
"oh my god i can do a somersault"
(me and sid laugh hysterically)
Fun night ends wih a hug and a knuckle.
Sids night ends with a hug kiss and an i love you.
They are awessome.
Me and sid race all the way home. I get home just in time for the office and my day is happily over.
What are you doing?
Laying down bored.
Lets hang out.
Eh what about friday i dont know if i can right now.
Mmm maybe.
Nevermind im putting on clothes and then im leaving
ok i gotta change
what are we gunna do?
Idk.
Okay well im walking so hurry up.
Slip on shorts. Pull on a circa shirt. Grab the ipod. Im gone.
I walk and five minutes later i get a call. Hes waiting for me across the street. We meet in the parking lot an come up with a genius plan. Walk to my best friend/his lovers house. So of course shes asleep . We bug and make her get ready.
The walk over there is hilarious. Just like old times.
We meet up with sid. We all have a super fun time.
I skip home singing the wizard of oz and we give jesus bottles to recycle.
"jesus recycles too"
"hell yeah! Ill meet you in hell"
(we give each other high fives)
"oh my god i can do a somersault"
(me and sid laugh hysterically)
Fun night ends wih a hug and a knuckle.
Sids night ends with a hug kiss and an i love you.
They are awessome.
Me and sid race all the way home. I get home just in time for the office and my day is happily over.
23.9.09
braaaaaaa
"hes so sarcastic"
"yes and he tries way too hard."
"but i'm sarcastic..."
"but your ally! not the fucken singer of weezer"
i laughed so hard.
anthony and allyson, best friends in 8th grade. we rule.
"yes and he tries way too hard."
"but i'm sarcastic..."
"but your ally! not the fucken singer of weezer"
i laughed so hard.
anthony and allyson, best friends in 8th grade. we rule.
The wind blows. My mind follows it. Winter tags along and I've become solid.
History repeats itself, and I change with it. We are not partners, we only work off eachother.
I'm crawling through darkness. Its creeping up by my side. Its falling off the walls. Its telling tall tales. I listen. I comprehend. It tells me of its love and the world around us.
the grass grows. my blood flows. its tainted. its leaking through my eyes showing signs of no stopping.
paper rustles. words words words. sentences unfinished. words misplaced. periods after commas. passive voice. active voice. your writing the wrong way. tell me a story.
voices flow through telephone cables. storms blow over. waters rise and dip like the dripping liquid that youve created in your dreams. it never overcomes you. talented.
random thoughts.
History repeats itself, and I change with it. We are not partners, we only work off eachother.
I'm crawling through darkness. Its creeping up by my side. Its falling off the walls. Its telling tall tales. I listen. I comprehend. It tells me of its love and the world around us.
the grass grows. my blood flows. its tainted. its leaking through my eyes showing signs of no stopping.
paper rustles. words words words. sentences unfinished. words misplaced. periods after commas. passive voice. active voice. your writing the wrong way. tell me a story.
voices flow through telephone cables. storms blow over. waters rise and dip like the dripping liquid that youve created in your dreams. it never overcomes you. talented.
random thoughts.
21.9.09
September 20th
The night I waited for all summer, finally came into play last night.
Amazing.
I wake up at 1230 with the thought in my head that I will not be attending the show. I mope around the house. But after reparations I am able to join the festivities. I text the best wondering if he would still be able to come with me. He replies with a yes. I already know that just having him with me would make the night worthwhile. I get ready and as soon as he gets home i hurry up grab my stuff and leave. We pick up the best and we're off!
We make a few pit stops. Grab some money for the tickets and head back on track. And then we arrive...
We pay for our tickets and walk in. The place looks like a church from the inside. Me and the best decide that it used to be a church but they turned it into an art and culture center. We walk in a little bit more and see that there arent many people. Some are sitting on the floor. Some are leaning against the walls. We decide to just stand off to the side because karl blau is setting up his set. A very interesting set. He has an old school projector with a cd player, an amp, and a switch board. No band members. Just him.
"this is going to be interesting."
he starts and the best whispers, "have you ever heard him before?"
"yeah."
"did you like him?"
"mmmm not really."
hes still singing. His songs are a little too experimental for me but as soon as we hear the trumpet, we like it and we're back on track.
"oohhh papa"
"96!!!"
He ends and we both have mixed feelings but No kids is next. During Blau's set I see Elvrum standing across the room from me. I get excited and whisper in the bests ear.
"Look there he is!"
"where?!"
"there across from us!"
"do you have a boner?"
"yeah, i think so."
"ill talk to you later."
I love how we're the best when we go out.
No kids is on the stage so we move closer and watch from about 5-10 feet away. They start playing and it both hits us. THEY ARE TOO GOOD FOR WORDS! I start tapping my foot and swaying a little bit. I'm really into it. We both clap after they finish every song. Phil makes a little mistake and drops the gong on the floor and they make a joke.
"that was our second song."
I couldnt stop laughing.
The guys and girl were amazing. So amazing that as im writing this, I'm downloading their stuff. Who would have known?
The best wants to go check out some of their merch so we stand near the merch table and look at everything. I find Microphone/mount Eerie albums and I get excited but I have no money so i brush it off and continue to be happy because I'm there with him and watching bands that rule hard.
As time passes we notice that our backs and legs start to hurt more and more. We needed to find a good place to sit. So we sit on the floor next to the door to catch a breeze and start to talk. It's a bit cold so i cuddle up next to him and I'm feeling cute so I give him a couple of kisses on the cheek because he vowed to try not to kiss me the whole night. He's making me laugh my butt off as usual.
"I can't swallow my saliva when i sleep so when i wake up i have to spit it all out."
"I use to sleep with my mouth open so i drooled."
"hahaha yeah?"
"yeah, I'd wake up and be like "ugh i have crust all over my mouth. whos dick did i suck last night?"
"hahahahahahahahahahaahahahaha!" (i think i cause a bit of a commotion because I laughed so hard.)
I love him and the way we can just laugh and not have to be all serious with each other. Last night settled it. I'm in love...
Tara Jane O'neil sets up and we decide to stay sitting during her set. It's good but our backs hurt. We clap and talk about her beautiful voice. It's awesome.
We get back up for a while and look at merch. Mount Eerie is up on stage so i speed walk to the front and he puts his arms around me. I'm in heaven.
We listen to Mount Eerie start and its wonderful. I tap my foot to the songs I know. Its getting late. The best's back starts to hurt so i put my arm around him and give him a small kiss on the cheek. Everything is perfect at that exact moment. I look at the time. 11:11.
Its time to go.
We didn't get to watch all of Mount Eerie's set but every bit of that night was amazing. As we walk out we get free posters that are awesome. We get some mcdonalds drop off the best and I go home. I talk to him for a bit. Talk about how the night ruled too much. And then I go to sleep.
I can't explain how great it was. Best Birthday Present Ever.
Next week is his surprise. Hopefully he's in as much amazement as im hoping he'll be.
Amazing.
I wake up at 1230 with the thought in my head that I will not be attending the show. I mope around the house. But after reparations I am able to join the festivities. I text the best wondering if he would still be able to come with me. He replies with a yes. I already know that just having him with me would make the night worthwhile. I get ready and as soon as he gets home i hurry up grab my stuff and leave. We pick up the best and we're off!
We make a few pit stops. Grab some money for the tickets and head back on track. And then we arrive...
We pay for our tickets and walk in. The place looks like a church from the inside. Me and the best decide that it used to be a church but they turned it into an art and culture center. We walk in a little bit more and see that there arent many people. Some are sitting on the floor. Some are leaning against the walls. We decide to just stand off to the side because karl blau is setting up his set. A very interesting set. He has an old school projector with a cd player, an amp, and a switch board. No band members. Just him.
"this is going to be interesting."
he starts and the best whispers, "have you ever heard him before?"
"yeah."
"did you like him?"
"mmmm not really."
hes still singing. His songs are a little too experimental for me but as soon as we hear the trumpet, we like it and we're back on track.
"oohhh papa"
"96!!!"
He ends and we both have mixed feelings but No kids is next. During Blau's set I see Elvrum standing across the room from me. I get excited and whisper in the bests ear.
"Look there he is!"
"where?!"
"there across from us!"
"do you have a boner?"
"yeah, i think so."
"ill talk to you later."
I love how we're the best when we go out.
No kids is on the stage so we move closer and watch from about 5-10 feet away. They start playing and it both hits us. THEY ARE TOO GOOD FOR WORDS! I start tapping my foot and swaying a little bit. I'm really into it. We both clap after they finish every song. Phil makes a little mistake and drops the gong on the floor and they make a joke.
"that was our second song."
I couldnt stop laughing.
The guys and girl were amazing. So amazing that as im writing this, I'm downloading their stuff. Who would have known?
The best wants to go check out some of their merch so we stand near the merch table and look at everything. I find Microphone/mount Eerie albums and I get excited but I have no money so i brush it off and continue to be happy because I'm there with him and watching bands that rule hard.
As time passes we notice that our backs and legs start to hurt more and more. We needed to find a good place to sit. So we sit on the floor next to the door to catch a breeze and start to talk. It's a bit cold so i cuddle up next to him and I'm feeling cute so I give him a couple of kisses on the cheek because he vowed to try not to kiss me the whole night. He's making me laugh my butt off as usual.
"I can't swallow my saliva when i sleep so when i wake up i have to spit it all out."
"I use to sleep with my mouth open so i drooled."
"hahaha yeah?"
"yeah, I'd wake up and be like "ugh i have crust all over my mouth. whos dick did i suck last night?"
"hahahahahahahahahahaahahahaha!" (i think i cause a bit of a commotion because I laughed so hard.)
I love him and the way we can just laugh and not have to be all serious with each other. Last night settled it. I'm in love...
Tara Jane O'neil sets up and we decide to stay sitting during her set. It's good but our backs hurt. We clap and talk about her beautiful voice. It's awesome.
We get back up for a while and look at merch. Mount Eerie is up on stage so i speed walk to the front and he puts his arms around me. I'm in heaven.
We listen to Mount Eerie start and its wonderful. I tap my foot to the songs I know. Its getting late. The best's back starts to hurt so i put my arm around him and give him a small kiss on the cheek. Everything is perfect at that exact moment. I look at the time. 11:11.
Its time to go.
We didn't get to watch all of Mount Eerie's set but every bit of that night was amazing. As we walk out we get free posters that are awesome. We get some mcdonalds drop off the best and I go home. I talk to him for a bit. Talk about how the night ruled too much. And then I go to sleep.
I can't explain how great it was. Best Birthday Present Ever.
Next week is his surprise. Hopefully he's in as much amazement as im hoping he'll be.
18.9.09
shady brady
Everyone knows how she swings and sways. Your not the only one lost in the forest.
So swing among the branches and watch as night falls and your dreams become even more clouded by darkness. The truth will only bring you the direction you can only sense in your bones. Your small, white, fragile bones.
2 more days lucky little lady.
So swing among the branches and watch as night falls and your dreams become even more clouded by darkness. The truth will only bring you the direction you can only sense in your bones. Your small, white, fragile bones.
2 more days lucky little lady.
15.9.09
13.9.09
Long night
I record myself reciting a short piece of a little something i wrote yesterday night. Yesterday night was a disaster. Futuristic thoughts bounced off the walls of my head and made me lose sight of what was in front of me. Careers, dreams, goals, we all have to get there somehow. So i cried because i didnt know if id make myself proud or id spend the rest of my life reaching for something thats been out of range ever since the idea became mine. He told me to breathe in and not to worry, ill do fine. Ibelieve him. I always have, i always will. But the future takes my confidence away from me. So i wrote. I always write, yes that is true. But writing always seems to make me feel so much better. Its almost as if i have a terrible cold but the moment i take that one fresh breath after having to breathe through my mouth for so long and knowing that everything is going to clear up. I always clear up.
Right now i am not at discontentment. Is that a word? If not then it just became mine. I just had this essential need to express how i felt. My story hasnt been finished yet. Neither has my movie. But my life is going along smoothly. Its beautiful. Its ugly. Its fantastic. Its dreadful. But i look forward to it. Im lucky im in love with my best friend. Yes, the song fits my life. Weird.... But its only the truth. No words to describe him. Ive tried. Its hopeless. But its there.
I want adventure. My last year. Clubs. Clubs. Clubs.
Next week. Hopefully me and phil meet up. Itll be magical. If he says the right things, he might become my new favorite. Sunday the 20th.
Planning out surprises are stressful. But the moment the person recieves the surprise is like waking up with the person you love right by your side. I cant wait to see his face. I hope hes as excited as i am. My little container of playdough deserves it. He really does. After all hes done for me. These past 4 months have been...magical. So maybe this small gesture will be the way to thank him. Couple more plans and we'll be on schedule.
"close your eyes. Welcome to......."
Hell figure it out when the day comes.
Now is the time where i try my hardest to sleep. If not i know where to go.
Goodnight.
By the way.
Happy birthday michael anthony samudio. Hopefully you get your ticket to the little event you wanna go to. I dont see its purpose at all but i guess different strokes for different folks.
Right now i am not at discontentment. Is that a word? If not then it just became mine. I just had this essential need to express how i felt. My story hasnt been finished yet. Neither has my movie. But my life is going along smoothly. Its beautiful. Its ugly. Its fantastic. Its dreadful. But i look forward to it. Im lucky im in love with my best friend. Yes, the song fits my life. Weird.... But its only the truth. No words to describe him. Ive tried. Its hopeless. But its there.
I want adventure. My last year. Clubs. Clubs. Clubs.
Next week. Hopefully me and phil meet up. Itll be magical. If he says the right things, he might become my new favorite. Sunday the 20th.
Planning out surprises are stressful. But the moment the person recieves the surprise is like waking up with the person you love right by your side. I cant wait to see his face. I hope hes as excited as i am. My little container of playdough deserves it. He really does. After all hes done for me. These past 4 months have been...magical. So maybe this small gesture will be the way to thank him. Couple more plans and we'll be on schedule.
"close your eyes. Welcome to......."
Hell figure it out when the day comes.
Now is the time where i try my hardest to sleep. If not i know where to go.
Goodnight.
By the way.
Happy birthday michael anthony samudio. Hopefully you get your ticket to the little event you wanna go to. I dont see its purpose at all but i guess different strokes for different folks.
9.9.09
8.9.09
"put a smile on!"
"i am but i just wanna change my class but they havent called me up yet."
"sucks for you."
"blah i know."
Compliment of the day:
"you look like a happy strawberry. Just your shirt and the way its shaped."
"uhhhhhhhh haha thanks?"
Next week, i get my present.
The week after, jesse gets his.
"i am but i just wanna change my class but they havent called me up yet."
"sucks for you."
"blah i know."
Compliment of the day:
"you look like a happy strawberry. Just your shirt and the way its shaped."
"uhhhhhhhh haha thanks?"
Next week, i get my present.
The week after, jesse gets his.
7.9.09
despair in the departure
lounge.
My life lately has been more than I could ever ask for. My dreams play a part in it, disfiguring all of the happiness and real things that go on right outside of my closed eyelids. They slowly form a cloud over my body blocking me out from the terror and happiness. Pictures flash by themselves, no control needed, and I smile when I wake up because I am able to enjoy a good story without having to pay for it. My dreams are free, you are invited to the screening. I'm breathing slowly and calmly. These days pass by fast. My heart beats in time with the ticking of the watch resting silently on my arm. It configures and turns whenever you show up, whenever your resting your head on my chest, whenever your voice dresses the words i love you, or whenever my hands are resting in yours. I'm happy. Content is the only way to be at this moment. So i'll close my eyes once more and wish the day never came when they'd close again, but this time it will last forever.
My life lately has been more than I could ever ask for. My dreams play a part in it, disfiguring all of the happiness and real things that go on right outside of my closed eyelids. They slowly form a cloud over my body blocking me out from the terror and happiness. Pictures flash by themselves, no control needed, and I smile when I wake up because I am able to enjoy a good story without having to pay for it. My dreams are free, you are invited to the screening. I'm breathing slowly and calmly. These days pass by fast. My heart beats in time with the ticking of the watch resting silently on my arm. It configures and turns whenever you show up, whenever your resting your head on my chest, whenever your voice dresses the words i love you, or whenever my hands are resting in yours. I'm happy. Content is the only way to be at this moment. So i'll close my eyes once more and wish the day never came when they'd close again, but this time it will last forever.
6.9.09
He's got the feeling again
This time on the aeroplane
There might be tellys in the back of the seats in front
But Rodney and Del won't do
Although it might take your mind off the aches and the pains
Laugh when he falls through the bar
But you're feeling the same
'Cause she isn't there to hold your hand
She won't be waiting for you when you land
I'm feeling alive as I wake up this morning. Eyes droopy, stomach hurting, nervous feeling in my stomach, and ready to start my day. I haven't been searching for anything lately. This surprises me. I'm always looking for something to hold on to but apparently that's not something I need at this moment in time. I feel like a flower blossoming in the spring air. Something rich in the soil. Something beautiful in the sky. Something intertwining with nature in the breeze. It calls my name and I listen and I watch and I obey. My mind has gone on constant trips. Trips all over the world. All over the universe. no way to stop it now. I wish someone wrote me letters telling of their dreams. Nightmares or not, I want it all. I wanna share this with someone. Someone who will understand what it is to feel the reality knock you off your feet when you wake up to a bright shiny light in your face. My dreams are becoming so vivid like an artist filling in the shading day by day, outlining the important features, the features that will make his drawing look like nothing he's ever made before. My education has constantly been brought up in my head. Where will I be in a year? Who will push me there? I want to be there with the right mind and the right attitude. I'm walking into a new world with no knowledge at all. I am a tourist, learning day by day the rules of the place I will grow up in.
This time on the aeroplane
There might be tellys in the back of the seats in front
But Rodney and Del won't do
Although it might take your mind off the aches and the pains
Laugh when he falls through the bar
But you're feeling the same
'Cause she isn't there to hold your hand
She won't be waiting for you when you land
I'm feeling alive as I wake up this morning. Eyes droopy, stomach hurting, nervous feeling in my stomach, and ready to start my day. I haven't been searching for anything lately. This surprises me. I'm always looking for something to hold on to but apparently that's not something I need at this moment in time. I feel like a flower blossoming in the spring air. Something rich in the soil. Something beautiful in the sky. Something intertwining with nature in the breeze. It calls my name and I listen and I watch and I obey. My mind has gone on constant trips. Trips all over the world. All over the universe. no way to stop it now. I wish someone wrote me letters telling of their dreams. Nightmares or not, I want it all. I wanna share this with someone. Someone who will understand what it is to feel the reality knock you off your feet when you wake up to a bright shiny light in your face. My dreams are becoming so vivid like an artist filling in the shading day by day, outlining the important features, the features that will make his drawing look like nothing he's ever made before. My education has constantly been brought up in my head. Where will I be in a year? Who will push me there? I want to be there with the right mind and the right attitude. I'm walking into a new world with no knowledge at all. I am a tourist, learning day by day the rules of the place I will grow up in.
2.9.09
Chemicals only released in time of death
Dreams are wonderous, mysterious, yet scary things. The discussion on how dreams are caused and why they are caused have always intrigued me to greatest extent. Mine have been repeating continuously lately.
I find myself in a parking lot in the late hours of the night. Yes, it is a parking structure. I am with my mother. We are walking up the parking lot never looking for a handy elevator. We both keep looking back remaining conscious of all our surroundings. Front back and side to side. We find a stair case and every floor that we climb to get higher up has a pipe sticking above it. We keep hitting ourselves on this dangerous pipe. We notice that there is another staircase right next to our, without any pipes. All the people walking up are happy and dressed in fancy gowns and sleek suits. We are dressed in jeans and a t shirt. We cant find the entrance to the other stairs. There are noises behind us. More people. We try warning them about the pipes but noone understands. We watch as countless people hit themselves on the pipes dressed in casual clothing. Once we get to the top of the structure i end up with the best. He smiles takes my hand and starta running down the stairs. Its a safer set of stairs. No pipes. We get to the bottom and there is a carnival going on. He starts running towards it and i stop and yell, "dont leave me please!" he turns around and grabs my hand and says, "im not going anywhere because your coming with me."
I hear a voice in the distance.
Who is it?
What did you say?
Huh?
Hello! Who is it?
Allyson wake up!!!!!!!
And i wake up with a smile on my face and i start to get ready for my day.
I find myself in a parking lot in the late hours of the night. Yes, it is a parking structure. I am with my mother. We are walking up the parking lot never looking for a handy elevator. We both keep looking back remaining conscious of all our surroundings. Front back and side to side. We find a stair case and every floor that we climb to get higher up has a pipe sticking above it. We keep hitting ourselves on this dangerous pipe. We notice that there is another staircase right next to our, without any pipes. All the people walking up are happy and dressed in fancy gowns and sleek suits. We are dressed in jeans and a t shirt. We cant find the entrance to the other stairs. There are noises behind us. More people. We try warning them about the pipes but noone understands. We watch as countless people hit themselves on the pipes dressed in casual clothing. Once we get to the top of the structure i end up with the best. He smiles takes my hand and starta running down the stairs. Its a safer set of stairs. No pipes. We get to the bottom and there is a carnival going on. He starts running towards it and i stop and yell, "dont leave me please!" he turns around and grabs my hand and says, "im not going anywhere because your coming with me."
I hear a voice in the distance.
Who is it?
What did you say?
Huh?
Hello! Who is it?
Allyson wake up!!!!!!!
And i wake up with a smile on my face and i start to get ready for my day.
1.9.09
first day of life
So this morning was the first day of waking up at 6:15 to head off to school. Being uber tired from not going to sleep till after 1 didn't help at all. (some advie needed to be given to mikey) I wake up and I decide that I don't care how I'm going to look on the first day of school. Put on a pair of pants a shirt and I head off to the computer. I had an hour to kill...
First period I walk in and I right away see my old best friend. sixth grade, bad year. But i still love alejandras company right when i walk in. I make her scoot so I can share a chair with her while the teacher talks about stuff. We talk about our summers, our hair, how math sucks, boys, and how I'm lame but i still make her laugh her butt off.
Second period, there are only 9 people in my class. HELL YES! going to be awesome. The teacher asks who wants to help choir raise money and I volunteer, plus I get a free ticket to a concert. Win-win situation. I find out I need to sing at least an octave. OH GEEBUS! i hate singing in front of people, my voice cracks. I get a quiz (my nightmare) and I only know about 3 sections of the 6 part quiz. Get my special ap book and i leave.
third period, best class of the day. mr velasquez gets super excited when he sees me walk into his class and kicks me. "IM SO GLAD YOUR IN HERE! IM ALL BETTER NOW! YOUVE SEEN 40% OF MY HYPERNESS AND NOW IM UP TO 90% BETTER!!" I laugh and i realize its going to be a hell of a year with this guy. Ap econ and gov may not be interesting but who cares? i have one of the best teachers on campus.
Fourth period, ta!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! for the teacher on campus who has the best music taste ever. super chill but super hot in there. stupid ac stops working so we both sit there talking about shows and my online zine but at the same time sweating our butts off.
Lunch. sucks. pep rally. all cheer teams and dance teams are horrible. Poor girls. i wanna jump up there and start dancing with them to give em some spunk. but i decided to leave and head to the senior patio where i sat uncomfortably while chris and tiff socialized. I was too hot to talk.
fifth period, im in the wrong room. Once i get a text from gerry saying, "I think your in the wrong room because they just called your name." I get up and I run out. I find the class and sit next to him. Im tapping my feet against the boxes and i see someone staring at me from the corner of my eye. "What the hell are you looking at!" He replies with, "You better not kick my shirt."
"I'm not calm down and stop being a baby."
We have a love hate relationship. He asks me to help on trying to find out the rules for sig. figs. and I agree. "Do you get it now?!"
"ugh stop being so ugly, dumb ass"
"cool braaaa"
the class is over and im already regretting retaking chemisty for the second time.
sixth period, english. love it. My teacher reminds me of juno with a new york accent. If she were to say department it would sound like, "depahtment." Serio but she rules. I just dont think I can stand having a sixth. I wish I had some free time.
I run back to espinozas to get my portfolio and run back to english class.
School ends. Time to head to crockwells. Acadeca practice.
Highlights of the meeting:
study sessions on sunday.
study sessions from 245 to 4 after school.
yay..........
that was my first day of school.
i hate it but its life.
one more year ally baba and youll finally be done, and gone.
First period I walk in and I right away see my old best friend. sixth grade, bad year. But i still love alejandras company right when i walk in. I make her scoot so I can share a chair with her while the teacher talks about stuff. We talk about our summers, our hair, how math sucks, boys, and how I'm lame but i still make her laugh her butt off.
Second period, there are only 9 people in my class. HELL YES! going to be awesome. The teacher asks who wants to help choir raise money and I volunteer, plus I get a free ticket to a concert. Win-win situation. I find out I need to sing at least an octave. OH GEEBUS! i hate singing in front of people, my voice cracks. I get a quiz (my nightmare) and I only know about 3 sections of the 6 part quiz. Get my special ap book and i leave.
third period, best class of the day. mr velasquez gets super excited when he sees me walk into his class and kicks me. "IM SO GLAD YOUR IN HERE! IM ALL BETTER NOW! YOUVE SEEN 40% OF MY HYPERNESS AND NOW IM UP TO 90% BETTER!!" I laugh and i realize its going to be a hell of a year with this guy. Ap econ and gov may not be interesting but who cares? i have one of the best teachers on campus.
Fourth period, ta!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! for the teacher on campus who has the best music taste ever. super chill but super hot in there. stupid ac stops working so we both sit there talking about shows and my online zine but at the same time sweating our butts off.
Lunch. sucks. pep rally. all cheer teams and dance teams are horrible. Poor girls. i wanna jump up there and start dancing with them to give em some spunk. but i decided to leave and head to the senior patio where i sat uncomfortably while chris and tiff socialized. I was too hot to talk.
fifth period, im in the wrong room. Once i get a text from gerry saying, "I think your in the wrong room because they just called your name." I get up and I run out. I find the class and sit next to him. Im tapping my feet against the boxes and i see someone staring at me from the corner of my eye. "What the hell are you looking at!" He replies with, "You better not kick my shirt."
"I'm not calm down and stop being a baby."
We have a love hate relationship. He asks me to help on trying to find out the rules for sig. figs. and I agree. "Do you get it now?!"
"ugh stop being so ugly, dumb ass"
"cool braaaa"
the class is over and im already regretting retaking chemisty for the second time.
sixth period, english. love it. My teacher reminds me of juno with a new york accent. If she were to say department it would sound like, "depahtment." Serio but she rules. I just dont think I can stand having a sixth. I wish I had some free time.
I run back to espinozas to get my portfolio and run back to english class.
School ends. Time to head to crockwells. Acadeca practice.
Highlights of the meeting:
study sessions on sunday.
study sessions from 245 to 4 after school.
yay..........
that was my first day of school.
i hate it but its life.
one more year ally baba and youll finally be done, and gone.
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