tenacity

My stomachs hurting while I'm typing this. Words seem useless right now. Tears want to be shed but I won't let them, no not this time. I'm not sure when I'll stop believing, but I know I have now seen what was in front of me. What has been in front of me this whole time. Ignoring it.
Ignoring how she feels. Having no clue what he feels.
How he felt before, how she felt before.

Her words are neon lights with short but descriptive words. They are loud at night, and attract attention throughout the day. She remembers how it felt. She remembers how she wants to feel. She remembers how so many nights were spent laughing and thinking to herself, "How did I come across someone like him?" She remembers it all, in fear of never being able to find that again. Her eyes shine with worry. Her eyes shine with guilt, wondering why she ever did what she did. Especially the nights where they make eye contact but never say a word. She wonders if it would have been different if she just held on tighter. He was her special prize.

He laughs. He jokes. He lives. Does he pretend? Does he remember the nights of laughter and realization? Does he recognize the way she surprised him with the things she said, how she always had something to say? He's not sure. He goes on telling of his life, his goals. Oh, how he never looks back. The nights deepen, he wonders when the phone will ring and he'll hear her voice. He won't know what to say. He'll be shocked. He'll be mad. He'll be relieved. She never forgot where he was. She remembered just the way he said his words, and how he knew when he was ready to say what needed to be said. He thinks... He waits... He's confused, but as he reads her words, his heart aches. She remembers... As he reads her words, he becomes speechless... As he reads her words, he feels the need to hear her voice once again... As he reads her words, he drops everything he's doing and follows the neon lights.


So as they both wonder what words to say, what ways to move, I sit here and think about what I'm doing.
Should I leave and go on as I had been. Or do I fight?
I've never fought a day in my life. Never physical or mental.
Do I tear down the neon signs, and put up my own?
I'm horrible at art.
Where will I go?
I can't read maps.
Would I act like I can not hear or see anything?
I have perfect hearing and my glasses fix my sight.

20 ways to show that I'm still here.
10 ways to show that I'll never leave.

oh yes, i did promise. and the promise I will keep.