Why do I feel like this right now? This whole feeling of love seems so unfamiliar and foreign. It's a bit overwhelming because the outcome can either be on your side or your greatest opponent.
He's not a superhero. He doesn't have magical powers. He doesn't hold all the riches in the world. He can't be in two places at one time. He doesn't run at the speed of light. He doesn't know einstein. He can't give me evidence that there is a higher power. So what is it that makes me smile everytime I hear him laugh. When i read a message from him during the day that is nothing but a smiley face. What. Is. It. I may never know. I may be 35 with a husband and kids and look back on this day and feel silly for being so foolish but so sad at the thought that i never knew what this consuming feeling was. Maybe it's admiration. Infatuation? Dedication? Fascination? Love... It rings a small bell. There is something that starts inside me when he looks at me. Some power that is granted to him that makes me feel less and less like myself but more and more like someone who is completely lucky.
I listen to myself go over these thoughts in my head. Countless and countless times i manage to come up with explanations for something like this. Before i thought i felt something. Being betrayed was part of the process, so i thought. So i acceptedin foolish circumstances the consequences of being a complete idiot. So now what do i do when the sensation runs higher and noone is being betrayed. What is this called? Do they have a name for it? Im sure they do but im not intelligent enough to recieve its name. So what do i do with my excuses? I keep em and follow that damn yellow brick road. It can lead me to new things or it can lead me to an old ending. I still dont know.
So i lay here once again thinking about all the feelings i have for this person. (he shall go unnamed.) and ill love him.
I love you. I hope you have a smile on your face right now or else ima punch you. There are always going to be things that ill never be able to explain to you because im embarrassed or i just cant, but ill always try my hardest to let a little slip out, once at a time. I know it takes a whole late night conversation to spill our guts out but when they come i never wanna hang up. I love hearing how im your best friend. I love hearing about your past even though im a tiny bit jealous that they had you first but it only makes me smile to know that now i get to give you awesome high fives, pull you closer to me when you pretend to be mad, hold your hand when you sleep, laugh at the faces you make, and being the one you go to when you need something to be said. It can last long or it can be short. We'll never know but to me that doesnt matter. Your here now and im having fun and your the best. What can i say? Your amazing in ways i can never describe but they dont need to be explained. They can just be untouched and recognized. Im glad your my best friend and the one i love.
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