Long night

I record myself reciting a short piece of a little something i wrote yesterday night. Yesterday night was a disaster. Futuristic thoughts bounced off the walls of my head and made me lose sight of what was in front of me. Careers, dreams, goals, we all have to get there somehow. So i cried because i didnt know if id make myself proud or id spend the rest of my life reaching for something thats been out of range ever since the idea became mine. He told me to breathe in and not to worry, ill do fine. Ibelieve him. I always have, i always will. But the future takes my confidence away from me. So i wrote. I always write, yes that is true. But writing always seems to make me feel so much better. Its almost as if i have a terrible cold but the moment i take that one fresh breath after having to breathe through my mouth for so long and knowing that everything is going to clear up. I always clear up.


Right now i am not at discontentment. Is that a word? If not then it just became mine. I just had this essential need to express how i felt. My story hasnt been finished yet. Neither has my movie. But my life is going along smoothly. Its beautiful. Its ugly. Its fantastic. Its dreadful. But i look forward to it. Im lucky im in love with my best friend. Yes, the song fits my life. Weird.... But its only the truth. No words to describe him. Ive tried. Its hopeless. But its there.

I want adventure. My last year. Clubs. Clubs. Clubs.



Next week. Hopefully me and phil meet up. Itll be magical. If he says the right things, he might become my new favorite. Sunday the 20th.



Planning out surprises are stressful. But the moment the person recieves the surprise is like waking up with the person you love right by your side. I cant wait to see his face. I hope hes as excited as i am. My little container of playdough deserves it. He really does. After all hes done for me. These past 4 months have been...magical. So maybe this small gesture will be the way to thank him. Couple more plans and we'll be on schedule.

"close your eyes. Welcome to......."
Hell figure it out when the day comes.


Now is the time where i try my hardest to sleep. If not i know where to go.

Goodnight.



By the way.


Happy birthday michael anthony samudio. Hopefully you get your ticket to the little event you wanna go to. I dont see its purpose at all but i guess different strokes for different folks.