remarkable

i hate when i have those moments where I just wanna scream. I feel completely infuriated, and I honesly have no clue why.

Nothing bad happened. Today was perfect.


Woke up. Went to school. Got the most amazing card I've ever recieved in my entire life, from anthony. (it ruled so hard) Me and anthony chit chatted while we walked to class and then I was stunned by the sight of balloons filling up my view in front of me. It was sid standing there with a handful of balloons, brown paper bag, and a cake. I almost died. Anthony laughs and says happy birthday. Sid laughs and says FINALLY! and steals my wonderful cup of sunny dee. My whole day is filled with happy birthdays and how old are yous. Lunch time comes and its me, jasmine, sid, kevin, and anthony. We all eat cake and laugh at the dumb things we hear.


Afterschool.....


I head out to the front to meet sid and jasmine and I get the whole gang.
Sal, jasmine, sid, hector, anthony, stephanie, and me. We are all having a good time eating cake and laughing at how sal is betting everyone that he can do a trick. He bets me a pastrami burger. I cant bring myself to do it because I know once I set my foot in the hat. Im done. We all have a great time. Hector gets really close to me and goes, "can i ask you a question?" I whisper, "sure."
"what would you do if a panda came up to you right now and punched you in the face?"


I laughed so hard. He had the most serious face on. He really meant it. He wanted my answer. I was sorry I didn't have one but now that I think about it, I think I'd be astonished for a couple minutes and ask everyone if they saw that.


I wanna live life and never be cruel and I wanna live life and be good to you. I wanna fly and never come down. Live my life, and have friends around.







We never change do we.....








I'm so mad. I'm so discontent. I wanna scream. I wanna cry. I don't know why.
Ofcourse I know why. Ofcourse I know why.


I just don't like saying it. I don't like seeing it. I hate it.



But its there.





People remembered what day it was today.
Mikey. Roy. Natalie.

"did you get anything cute?"
"mikey, i got balloons a movie and a shirt."
"ANYTHING CUTE?!"
"an awesome card."
"awww..."



I hate this feeling. I force this upon myself because I dare to look. i dare to look for what I don't want to see. So i lie and say its nothing. I lie and say its fine.