Day 2

I question myself. I question myself alot. It's part of my insecurities that I have grown old with. It's part of who I am and I've come to accept it. My past has greeted my future, and my future has greeted my past. But there are times when I am alone and I often think about the times that my past was really good and I try to communicate with the people I've lost touch with. I maybe say a couple words, hand out a couple smiles, but they all have grown too distant to bring back. But there is always one person who even if there isn't much time in my life to think about, that always comes back. (even if i don't want him to) And it's nice sometimes, because a conversation with a familiar face always has decent things to say right? That's what you would think. And I learn and I learn that maybe there are some people you just can't be friends with. You can't be more than friends because honestly, you don't wanna be more than friends with them but the thought of a friendship is so dreamlike and unreal that it causes some interruption in reality that makes it a goal, a goal that always fails to become the present life. But then you have the people you have now. You ask when are you going to become too distant to bring back? too fragile to even hold anymore? too sudden to gasp for anymore breath that's left in the room? You search and search for the answers but you come across hidden messages. Secret symbols. I like to call them the neon lights. The neon lights have brought me nothing but tears. Happiness rolls around in the ending stages because you realize what a silly but helpful thing these guiding lights can be. But you hate them all over again when you see them set up right outside your walls. Your walls consisting of only your present and near future. It's a phase. It's a fad. It's what every one in life goes through but I've gotten used to them. I stare at the colors. I read them. I watch the chemicals swell up the tubes creating this off color that attracts people. I like to watch now. I like to know the next move that so when the lights turn off, I'm the one who's pulling the switch, and causing the light show to come to an end.



I'm that person. The person behind the show. Who creates the tension. Who creates the chemicals. And follows them with my nose. My eyes. My ears, and words. It's what I've always been good at.






At this exact moment, I wish I had another thing I was good at. Oh well right?





Yeah, oh well.