a year and almost 4 months later...

I'm laughing because I know you don't expect this from me right now. There are certain times when you beg me to recognize the love I have for you and sometimes I just can't give it to you because I don't feel that it has the essence that it deserves. So this is for you.


I'm listening to dashboard confessional just like I did when I wrote the last entry about you. I hope you enjoy it....
















I see myself sitting in a classroom next to a guy who has had my heart for as long as I can remember. The past seems like a movie, fake and predictable. This is all I've known and it feels exactly this way when I'm with you and when I'm just making small talk with you over the computer. I watch you in class sometimes when you're writing down your notes and you look like the world is at your finger tips, education is key to your happiness and you're willing to unlock the door. Sometimes I find myself forgetting that you're by my side but the moment I feel a tap on my shoulder, I can see you whisper the words "I love you."


With all the troubles we've had from the long nights of tired arguments that stick to us like lint from a dry coat, I never forget what we have. They never want to leave even though we pick at the small pieces to get rid of them as quickly as the blink of an eye. You tirelessly try to prove me wrong and I try to prove myself right. We are contradictory in our personalities at times and at others we are puzzle pieces that fit so perfectly that it scares us back into submission.


"Honestly, you are the most special girl I have ever met."


You find ways to pull me back into your arms when all I want to do is walk away. As I take a step towards the door my insides are pleading that you run after me. My hands want to feel yours grasp them for security and my waist wants to feel your arms, warm and tight, to feel at home. We lay in bed for hours and talk of past stories and listen to music that brings back the young teenage love in us. We plan and plan and never for a moment do we think that there is anything possible that can break us apart. We are funny like that. We can never be negative about each other, we use 'if's' but we never doubt.


I still remember the day that I first came to visit you at your house and you gave me the look of suspicion. You wanted to know who I was inside and out, even if you knew it already. You were looking to study me for your own eyes, instead of others and numerical code. We kissed and once they had come to pick me up, you didn't want to let me go. Some times I forget about that moment, the moment you pulled me back down to give you one more kiss, the moment you knew you wanted me in your life. But you never cease to remind me.


I look at the ring on my finger and the way I am so serious about it's special placement on my hand. It all means so much without a single word and I like it that way.



You are everything I could ever ask for. Some day I may wish I had been more careful with my words but I know what I am saying now. I know the risks and the toils of a couple more years that this relationship can hold.

"I want to marry you."



This is us and it is who we are despite the fights and perils of life. We never cease to wake up the next morning and grant each other a greeting of love and admiration. You will always be the first thought and the last. The funny things you do and the silliest things you say are what I keep with me when I miss you the most.

"does he ever get the girl?"
"i did, because I have you."










does he ever get the girl......