As I was logging in, I felt the need to punch in my old password for my myspace account. What? What is a "myspace"? It was the website of a younger generation. We flip flop like fish when it comes to new trends. Some do it more than others. We have what we have and we take advantage of the possibilities that are lurking around when we just take our minds out of the world of the internet. Yes, I know I'm on the internet but I'm here for a reason. This is a semi-diary. Why wouldn't it be in a book? I have no clue. I think I feel more comfortable on here. (hence the fact that i grew up in a generation where the internet was life).


Am I interrupting something? Should I hand you the microphone? Am I the one who is between two strong powers, holding two things from each other. Am I the force that prevents the positive magnets from attracting? I look at my dreams and I no longer see them far from what reality really is. Yes. Yes, you are right, I am talking in a secretive manner. I will be as obtuse as I possibly can be. I feel sick to my stomach the first few minutes and then I realize how ridiculous it is to feel this way at such a young age. Where are your dreams when these thoughts flood into your head? Theyre pushed to the back of my mind. I won't let them ever be second place to anything or anyone. I'm sorry but this is the way things go.


I'm so sick of complaints. I'm so sick of tattling. I can't stand the way you talk anymore. I don't even like watching you type things on the internet. I'm getting tired of everything faster than ever imagined.


I'm freezing in the beginnings of the mountainsides. I can feel the wind brush against my arms and legs even though there is no wind in my house.. All of my windows are shut and the heater is on. I thrive on things like this, it's like fresh blood is entering my body and my life is becoming more of my own and nooneelses. How ever the fuck you spell that word...I keep listening to John Legend thinking that he'll say something that will be anything like what I'm feeling right now but just like I've said before, we all take things different ways and if you are not in my shoes at this time and this moment then you will not have a single ounce of what I am feeling right now. You might have felt this in the summer and she may have felt it at her friend's house and he may have felt it in a bar on a drunken night that was sweating the weight off of everyone's mind. We may feel these things to a certain point but you will not feel the soreness in my neck and how my sweater feels against my arms and how cold I am when I am feeling like this. Understand? You should.


I'm not sure how much I can write anymore. All of this seems to be a talent that I've lost long ago. I can't write poems anymore. I can't write short stories. I hate reading other people's writing unless I like them. I feel like everyone is trying to be the writer that I am and the writer that I am not. When will I win? It still has been so long but that doesn't mean my feelings have changed...



This is a repeat of your life, restart and try again.