The night sky is glistening tonight. The moon looks fresh and new. I'm sitting on a stool leaning onto a table watching my grandpa sway from side to side singing in spanish, loving everything. It's his special day and I have come to celebrate it with him. I see no troubles in his mind. He dedicates a beautiful spanish song to my grandma. She smiles because she knows even after so many years the love is still in the presence of their marriage. I laugh because everyone around is singing having a good time, and at this moment I wish i knew the words too. I wish I could join along with my relatives and be apart of the family. The guitar is being strummed and the words are flowing out beautifully.

I'm watching the stars carefully. I see planets, I see moons, I see galaxies, I see a whole other universe. I am watching the skies knowing a little bit more that galileo galilei. I am excited and scared, but also breath taken. I wonder if he felt the exact same way. Were you scared? Were you breath taken? I guess I'll never know.

After minutes pass I know that I am no longer thinking about the mysteries above my head. I am thinking about the feeling thats being created in my stomach by some strange force. I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster and it just won't end. I keep going higher and higher only to fall all the way to the bottom once again. Where are these feelings coming from? Am i happy? Am i sad? I'm not sure. I Know for a fact that these thoughts werent on galileo's mind when he watched the stars. But people have already solved the problems that he once had no answers to. So I need no answers. Fellow philosophers I need your assistance. My thoughts are being controlled by some overwhelming moral insecurity in me. I don't know where to start. Why am I thinking this way? She says I have every reason to feel this way but it is also my fault for not questioning for not confronting. What do i say? Is that really the problem? Or am I just over thinking everything around me? So many questions.

The stars are still glistening. The moon is still shining, but a slow grey haze is starting to cover it. My stomach ache is getting worst. She knows what she's doing, I know it. She know's what she's getting, I know it. She know's that she's getting it, I know it. I'll sit back and wait till my destiny confronts me and welcomes me into its home. I'll be ready then. I hope. I smile for the bravest of the braves. I'm not perfect. I'm not worthy of such gifts that I behold. But then, what do I really have? What brings them in? I don't act like I know what your talking about. I dont pretend to understand that your different. I just accept it, and move on. So what is it? What is the answer I'm looking for?


I look at the people around me. I search because I'm not content with not knowing the truth. The truth will hurt me? Better hurt than clueless.



I want to dance. i want to dance in front of everyone. I want to scream. I want to scream in front of everyone. I want to smile and laugh in front of everyone. I want to show you that I'm never going to be them. I'm never going to be what you expect me to be. Remember when you read that one person sets the standards for the people you will love for the rest of your life? I remember. I will never fit those standards. His or hers. I don't know if this scares you. It scares me. I am never the person who will set anyones standards. I am the person who you watch the time pass by with. I am the person you go to when your feeling on top of the world. I am the person you go to when your feeling at the bottom of the sea. Tell me about your happiness, tell me about your sorrows. I am only one. But it'll never be the same. I promise it won't be.



Im not sure what im trying to say. Im clueless. This breathtaking moment has lasted but 10 minutes and I have countless words to describe what i felt during those 10 minutes. Why does this always happen? I have so much to say in such little time. Is this bad? Is this good? Im not sure if i care anymore.


I find that i have this craving to hear words that will bring me back for more. I want to read them I want to feel them I want to see them I want to taste them. I want them to be my words. But, when will it ever be that good? Will it ever be?


i look at them. I remember your face. Your awkward face. Looking at me with eyes. With doubtful eyes and I understand, I can read you like a book. i say certain words and I know that memories pass through your head. As you read these words you understand what I say. You smile because I understand you. I fashion some sentence in my head that will sound something like, "Dont worry, I know it's not perfect but I'd never want it to be perfect. I'd just want it to be right, and new." And when you look at me again you'll know that I would never tell a lie. I would never do anything to make you doubt my words ever again. Even though your feelings haven't gone away, you don't feel the need to go. You dont feel the need to make yourself sure. And I'll remember that every time you look at me.


I snap back into place. The words still flowing out of his mouth. The guitar strumming everyone singing along and laughing. I know im back to reality and I think about the people Ive met and the people I wanna know. Im living the life. Maybe not what you would expect "the life" to be but its exactly what I expect it to be. And ill wait till it ends and a new one begins. I laugh and go along with everyones jokes. the stomach ache goes away. Your still here. Every single one of you. And the moon is still glowing. beautiful and bright. I can't wait for the night to end just to hear the words all over again.






"You beautiful girl, I'm sorry for the sorrow I have pushed upon you. But you will never know how much you changed my life and how you brought out the brightness of the moon, the gleam of the sun. You were the gleam in my eye and everytime I feel the sun against my skin and the moon against my soul, I'll know that someone as amazing as you was once in my life. And i thank you."