11.8.09

short story.

when did you plan on telling me?


I saw the look in your eyes and I felt your admiration. You tell lies and say it's all just a physical attraction and all you have in your heart is lust, but I know with the look you gave me, that it was more than that.

You were nervous, you followed behind me from a safe distance, and you stared. You weren't afraid of me catching you. You wanted my attention. You wanted the eye contact. You wanted to read me like I read you. But it was interrupted by voices, by looks, and by everyone's presence. I seen you look me up and down checking to see if I was me. Maybe i had become some significant symbol in the world or I was just a girl with a life and had nothing but solid respect for everything around her.

I wanted your time. You wanted mine. But it wasn't possible. I feel you staring from the room over and I want to go to you but with everyone around it makes me shake. It makes me nervous. I don't want them to see my weakness. I don't want them to see who I really am, the person I know you see when you stare. They give me the suspicious eye and I smile because I know they are thinking what I'm thinking. Someone calls out your name and my stomach turns, I don't want you to see me blush, I dont want you to see me falling a little every time I catch you looking. Your solid stare becomes the thing I admire most and I feel like I never want to leave because your eyes hold me in a place that feels like home.

We take a walk outside and everyone follows. I know they see me staring now. I know they see you staring as well. But we don't care. We've lost sight of the things around us. I've lost belief in everything that's happened. You keep looking me up and down and it seems as though you are trying to find something. I can't quite picture what it is, but I know its making you crazy. I stare deep into your eyes and I know I'm seeing what I want to see, you finally accepting everything I am and everything I do. I look down, trying to balance the contact with everyone else around me. You look down to, you don't want them to know your interested. You don't want them to see your love for me. Your reputation has become a big part of your life. You slowly look up and I do the same, our eyes meet once again and it feels like my stomach is about to fall out of my mouth. Someone decides to take a walk because the heat grows thicker and thicker with every waking moment. I don't want to leave your sight. Everyone starts leaving and I slow my pace. You stare at me and still sit there looking to see if I will stay with you. I open my hand and you grab it. For the quick five seconds the earth moves and I can feel it. I am not spinning, I am in a daze. Everyone sees us walking slower and slower so they catch up to us and start having fun, making us the life of the party.

You sit again and I want to be alone with you. I want everyone to fall away into the background and just sit with you and hold your hand. You would never let me though. You have a reputation to uphold. So i stand around and i follow everyones actions, I find myself talking and leaving you in the distance. You suddenly lose interest with everyone, even myself.

I try convincing some of them to walk away, to go somewhere else, some where, where it would be alot more fun. But they don't want to. They want me around. They want you around. I can't stand it anymore. I join the fun and leave you by yourself.

Every once in a while I peek to see if your still staring but you stay there looking down and I lose hope...

The party ends and your still sitting there looking down. I want to be with you for the last few seconds. I want to be with you before I leave. Noone wants to let me go. You get up, and as I start walking away, you wave. You wave, with a small smirk on your face, knowing I would never be able to keep up with the games you play. I keep walking and I stop.


I can't let you go, not like this.


Everyone keeps on walking to their cars and I run to you. Almost too eager. I give you the biggest hug. You don't let go. I wrap my arms around your waist, and your arms are gently placed around my neck. I couldn't believe I was doing this. I couldn't believe I'd actually gain the strength.

I whisper, "I'm sorry that I didn't talk to you. This isn't the time or place to do it. There are too many people. I wish we had time to ourselves. Do you think that would be possible?" You look at me and smile. We are still hugging, not losing grip at all. "I think that's possible." I let go but your still holding onto me. After about five seconds you let go and I can't help but say, "I'll see you later. Please don't forget to get ahold of me as soon as I get in the car." and you reply with, "I wont."

I walk away and can't help but look back. Your still standing in the same spot, hands in pockets, with the same old stare. I smile and wave.


We choose to meet again...

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