after all that this is what i found..

I read back. I read far back and I realize that the words that were created by such an immature mind were words of great presence and great glory. I find the reality peeking out through every adjective, noun, and verb. It's face hides but once you keep reading and reading you find that after all of the clues have been discovered, the most obvious secrets come out and we become known. We are pulled out of hiding and are held with our hands up and our words hanging out of our mouths. They'll betray us and save us. They save me from my own destiny. Words find me and take me along a back road that many people have not yet discovered. They show me around and make me feel at home. Hello home. Hello world. Hello future.


I remember when the slightest feelings would set off stories and the slightest rhythm would give me a sensation only happiness could give me, but it isn't happiness today. It is the escape of reality that pulls me closer like the heat on the earth. It pulls it in creating the sweat on our brows, the hard work we think we do is symbolized by a man with sweat on his brow. He is a hard worker but is he a thinker? Does he live off the satisfaction of feelings? I'm sure at one point he does. But does it feed him the strength that it feeds me? I should be so sure to say no. Hard worker come around so I can ask you some questions.

The winter should be coming around but I feel nothing. Only when my eyes are closed does the wind wrap itself around my body and give me the chill of comfort. It is here. It is where it's supposed to be. I am supposed to be cold. Am i worthy enough? Yes, I have loved this small chill down my spine since i was young. The best days were spent strolling down a cold stormy day with rain boots and a rain coat. No invitation needed. Come on in, enjoy the world. Enjoy it.

My life is taking swerving twists and turns. The driver is unseen. I try and try to take a peek but every time I get close enough to peek over the seat they turn again throwing me to the side of the window. Sly. Until one day when they drive slow, I ask politely for the identification of this magnificent person. They turn and I see myself. Smiling slowly but comfortable with the revealing aspect of this first meeting. I sit back. No longer asking any questions. They'll take care of me. She promised.


Billie sings slowly. Her voice drops into a sudden sad monotone voice. But i see in front of me, a band behind her and lester right at her side. He smiles when the song is done holding his trumpet in his right hand and bowing with the left hand slowly forming an L behind his back. She opens her eyes and she smiles. She knows the transformation she just made everyone go through. Oh, the new person I have become. I turn to my table and realize Im sitting at my computer listening to her through an MP3 file. The things that duo could do with the sound of their beautiful language being played through instruments and vocal chords. And here I come back realizing I am only a writer and it is what I will always be.