carry this picture

"your all that and a bag of chips."


It's the only place to start and the only place to end. Somewhere deep inside I know that I never want this feeling to go away. As dreamlike as it sounds I want to keep these butterflies in my stomach forever. The way he talks, the way he smiles, the way he explains things, the way he tells his opinions on certain things, the way he lets me be me, and the way he's just himself, makes me wonder why I didn't notice it first. Why it took me two years to see all of this. Small crushes were consuming my thoughts but never did the thought of actually following up on it ever go through my head. He was too far away. He was better than what I needed. He was more than I ever wanted. Just too far away...

Now, two years later here I am sitting here able to call him mine. Able to say that he has my heart and I have his. A complete dream I tell myself. I'm laying somewhere on a couch, on a bed, in a car, in a tent, anywhere, just dreaming. But I'm not. I finally realize what luck I have. he says, "it's not luck you deserve me." But constantly do I find myself falling short of anything he deserves. So i pinch myself, i throw water in my face, and still this overwhelming feeling still takes over my body, mind, and soul.

Years pass and I was hung up on a disaster. 3 years spent sitting around waiting for someone who was far from what I needed, but they were what I wanted. A complete waste of time. No regrets I tell myself, and so I accept it, move on, and just say I'm stupid for sticking around. The thought of being with this person took over my thoughts, thats all I wanted and I would not rest till I had it. But he came along, and stopped it all... No one wakes up in the morning and says to themselves, "I think I'm going to meet someone today and become close to them, and tell them all my secrets." No that wasn't the plan at all. I was looking for a meager conversation to pass the time, but I found more than that. I found a guy who talked of his experiences, who told of his feelings, and announced his dreams. I was blown away, I couldn't help but fall, I couldn't help but think that I wanted this guy apart of my life, but the timing wasn't right. No the timing was never right, till now.

As few beaus I've had and as few guys I've let in to my heart, never has anyone made these feelings come upon me. I dream now, and I feel the possibility of these dreams coming true is very strong. It builds and builds every day into this beautiful monument. The dreams they create some sort of goal for my future. But once the goal is reached does it stop? Does it end and does the love fall away? No. Definitely not. its more than infatuation and its more than most foolish teenage kids have experienced. I have been one of them. I have planned to feel the world under my skin with someone, I have asked to be able to say "forever." But never have I believed in it so much as I do now.

The way he makes me feel. Oh the way he makes me feel...


Everytime he's in my presence I cant help but smile and feel appreciated. He gives me this overwhelming joy that finally I have found someone who will not make the mistake in making me fall for false words. He's more than all that. I find myself sitting alone and thinking to myself, "could I ever be happier than I am now?" All the false words that were told to me before were to achieve some kind of winning prize. Oh we all know what the winning prize is, so I will not go on and tell of excess details. I can lay in bed, sun beating against my face, blankets shoved to the side, breathing coming to a slow pace, and never doubt that this feeling is real. I tell him countless things everyday. I share my dreams, my goals, my plans, and my opinions. He takes them into account. He never judges me. He teaches me things. I listen to his voice during endless conversations and I know that no voice could make me rethink my thoughts on love more than his.

Oh how im blabbering on and on about him. But there is a reason for it all. No one, anywhere, in any place. on the streets, in a house, at a park, has ever made me feel the way I feel today at this exact moment. I'm not sure if it is foolish to feel this way but I know that when I wake up every morning and I feel the warmth of the sun, and hear the birds singing in the morning, and hear the people of the world in my ears, I am waking up to a keeness stronger than no other.

so i finish with this..

I know I cant explain how i feel to you in person, or on the phone, but I want you to know that it's here. All of the butterflies, and the overwhelming sensations you give me, are real. I would never lie to you about that. I'm so closed up because of the past but with you, everyday, I open myself up more and more. I don't know what it is, that makes me want this to last forever. Maybe its the way we can always talk about things other than us. Maybe its the way we can laugh and laugh and laugh but have our times of seriousness when its vital. Maybe its the way we can express ourselves in words that are incomprehensible to the minds of society today. Or maybe its the way that we plan to live the lives of free people, with open hearts and open minds together. I dont know, I cant pin point it but as long as its here it doesnt matter to me. I couldnt ask for anyone better. Your one of the most amazing people that I have ever met. You make me want to do everything I've ever dreamed of with you. My goals were only a fantasy but as soon as you came along, you pushed me to follow them and to achieve them for my happiness and only my happiness. I'm not sure where people like you come from but all in all, your timeless and completely wonderful. Im not sure how many more adjectives I can use to explain you, I can probably use all the synonyms for amazing and still fall short of what I feel you really are. Im glad you've given me the chance to show you that there's more than lies and broken promises and false dreams. Even if this finishes in the blink of an eye I will always love you for the person you are, no matter what. i will always stick by your side more than any other. Because I know you will do just the exact same for me.



I love you, and I hope after you read this you finally understand how much I care for you. I hope the biggest smile is planted on your face and your thinking, "wow, she really does love me." Because that's my job. No, actually its not my job. Because people get sick of jobs and careers . (our conversation about careers confirmed that) So I'll say I do it because I want to do it, and to make you happy makes me happy. Maybe one day I'll be able to tell you all this in person, but for now I hope this satisfies your thoughts on my love for you.