different person

sitting here. the movie is finished. i feel connected in some way. i listened, i watched, i thought, i felt. his words flow through my body. his goals, his freedom, his beliefs, his light, will all play a part in my life now. the end titles start moving up the screen and im speechless. my words are now his. i lay here watching everything around me. my thoughts are pointless. everything plays out like a small low budget movie. only the best kind ofcourse. i dont know why this feeling has overtaken everything in me.

it was nothing but a movie allyson.


i know. i know. but I woke up to something new. to something that was never there before. ive been sitting here waiting for something to become of me. he knew that wasnt the way life was supposed to be. and i learned. oh you bet i learned.

the sheets are wrinkled around me. the sun is beating against my face. my eyes wander the room for some sort of magical being thats creating this feeling. beads of sweat fall down the side of my face. my body roams the bed, never willing to stay in one place. nothing but the music of the world is playing in my ears. my hair is falling around me. i dont wanna lose the feeling but i know as soon as i open the bedroom door it will vanish as fast as i can say "please stay."

the feeling does not reside in my stomach. its found its home in my arms, legs, chest, fingers, hips, and feet. it seems like everything is moving in slow motion. everything is fuzzy and unclear but in the best way possible. the fuzziness makes me dizzy and i dont want it to end. my eyes keep searching and searching for the source of this state of being. but i can never find it. and then i realize, its not visible. its me and everything thats created me. thats what it is. im realizing it, i am the creator of it. so i smile because never have i experienced such a beatiful sensation flowing through my veins, through my body, through my mind, through my soul, through my heart. i laugh in the awkward silence of the room, because its such a silly thing to think that some magical force is giving the greatest feeling ever experienced. its just who i am, and i have found myself in everything around me.

so i thank the man who brought me the realization of it all. he didnt need to change anyones mind. he didnt plan to save the world from a boring, monotonous life. but one out of three people are feeling what i feel at this exact moment. my lips have not moved since the small box's light shut off in front of me. i touch my lips wondering when the right words will be said. but my lips arent the ones who come up with what i need to say. i do. and at this moment, i couldnt ask for anything better.