Usually, I'm not very fond of telling about the things I do during my days. It seems to....unprofessional when it comes to my writing. I don't know what i mean so don't ask. Should I try to explain? mmmmm, sure. I mean that it just sounds pointless. Every single day people listen to one's daily doings and half of them are uninterested. I don't want you to become uninterested. On the other hand, with me, its very different. I like to hear about people's days. For some reason it gives me comfort to know that I am having a conversation with that person. It makes me feel at home. But today it feels different. I feel like actually telling you about the things I did. Trust me, its not interesting but I think once you get the gist of the ways I spend my time you'll become interested, or at least i certainly hope so.

And so she opens her eyes to a new day and breathes in the air that will magnify the direction that her behavior will go in today.....


I hear the phone vibrating next to me. (oh, how i despise cellular phones) It's my alarm reminding me that its a new day and that my thoughts need to start up again. They need to start their process of bouncing off the walls of my head trying to find a comfortable place to sit and wait for them to be noticed by my concious state of mind. I remember that I'm supposed to be having breakfast with my best friend at Ihop. Im excited, yet too tired to do anything at the moment. I have no money and I have no kind of craving to start walking my butt all the way to ihop. I love how when I plan things they never go the way i plan them. (thank you literary element-foreshadowing) We argue about how she's gunna pay for me and i completely refuse. I never like anyone to pay for anything for me. NOTHING. So you know if we were ever to go out, you'd never have to dish out any money. I get up and walk to the computer. Its become my home. A dangerous obsession. "technology makes you feel like you have friends." It couldn't be any more true. It makes me feel like im surrounded by people who care. A mirage. When you wake up and regain conciousness you realize that nothing is real and everything is really not what it seems. Hello everyones life story. I join a community on the circa website. I feel like the new kid in the class. No one responds to your posts. Everyone knows eachother. You try to find something clever to say so that everyone will catch on. You try to kind of go along with everyones conversation but they ignore you. Thats how its going so far. And i laugh because it really does make you feel like your the newbie. But ill be fine. Trust me. I always am. After checking this I start download unbelievable mood changing music. Audience of one. I could swear to myself that something new has started up in me. I love when I get these feelings. I cant talk. I cant think. I cant think because my mind is all over the place. on the walls, sitting on the chair, sprawled out on the floor, in the restroom, laying on my bed. I cant control myself. My voice has been banished and all I can do is sit listen and love. Such a beautiful feeling. Sometimes I wish I felt like that all the time. But I dont want to grow tired of it. I look at the clock and it is 1:30. I need to get ready for school. (how ironic, we're going to be friends just came on, amazing song) I tie up my hair, throw on pants, put on shoes, grab my books and I'm off. I never feel the need to get all fancy and pretty for anyone. Not that it's possible for me to get pretty but we are not here to talk about negativities or insecurities. I get to class and Im lost. I have no packets. I have no information. Why did i miss school yesterday? The question runs through my head a million times. I was tired. I was busy. Oh well. I laugh. My teacher laughs. The students laugh. Im having a good time. I hear a young girls laugh and i cant hold in my laughter. It reminds me of the best. He'd laugh and laugh and laugh. Changing the sound of his laugh every single time. I love how we can just lay there and never have to worry about finding anything interesting to talk about. We entertain eachother with nothing. Thats how its supposed to be. And so i walk out of the classroom having to contain my laughter. Its getting to be too much for the class. Their clueless. They werent there. It was my memory and not theirs. We all have things we cant share. Not even if I wanted to. And so i walk back inside with a huge smile upon my face knowing that at least his laughter is around me a couple times during the day. The class ends and I come home. Two hours later I am ready to attend night school at rio. The rules clearly state. "if the teacher does not show up after 15 min. you are allowed to leave as long as you fill out a sign in sheet" So i fill it out and off I go. Waste of time yes but maybe it was supposed to be that way. Not to mention my pretzels getting stuck in the vending machines. Gosh how I wish there were automats around here. Thatd be too siick. The only thing I can do is wish. I come home and complain about my on going need for time to myself. I have plenty of it. Im just lazy. Ive come up with the idea of making a stop motion film. A short one ofcourse but I havent gotten any good ideas yet. Wanna share some? we can be partners. Who knows we can even be friends? I get on the computer again and end up talking to the best. My night will consist of studying the french revolution and talking on the phone. For a while will this be my routine and I really dont have a problem with it. Im comfortable and im uncomfortable. I wish there was something that interested someone about me. I wish i had a little "umpf" in my personality. No i dont wanna change my physical appearance. But I just wish someone saw something in me that was different. That they felt was beautiful in its own awkward silly way. I dont know if anyone will ever see the interesting side of me but maybe these simple words will do the trick. who knows? for now I'll continue to listen to the phenomenal music i obtained today and talk to the people I love. The best wishes to you and finding a rich literary voice. as always....







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